Dragons Are Real

ALL THIS IS OLD....

I am currently in RETHINKING again..I may have been led astray from what I really am...

I've been going through a lot recently and finalyl got back to my site as of late. I know I change a lot but I think its because of trying to get people to like me and fine something cool and something I could draw that would, well lets face it, look hot to others- like the half eye covered by strange hair.

I take pictures I find and turn them into characters for rp..well I've been letting that get ahold of my True self and strangle it. I keep looking at pictures and thinking "now thats a Me..nice looking, people like and all that." But everytime IT hits me...I didn't draw it..I CAN'T draw..I wish but I can't..so I try writing but I know I will never get a book out. My emotions are pent up but I have no way of getting them out...I keep looking for ways but they all end up bad and I realize that I'm also trying to show off to people so they like me like those good artists on there...trust me if I could I would have them paid to draw myself but I don't have money..and the chars I would like drawn arn't mine either. Right now it hurts as I type..I have an imagination but it isn't mine..I take things and expand on them...I'm sure if I thought I could come up with chars but then..I can't draw them AND so many things are used these days it'll seemed borrowed...

It's hard these days to seem to fit even in your own niche of the system and world without someone trying to sue you for using details or borrowing (Yes BORRWING) pics to be used for icons or rp when it's not really claiming unless they say I MADE THIS or THIS IS MINE, ITS ME! The world...is SO odd these days. I have to get over the fact that I am who I am and the world is just fucked up and always will be. Artists and whatnot use their talent and throw it around for populatiry, and when confronted with that truth throw it back and say their not. Espically the ones, and thats everyone, that demand money for drawing. How come you demand money for FREE TIME and supplies you usually waste when your not yanking away cash for one drawing? I've asked people this and they get angry BECAUSE THEY KNOW ITS TRUE. Free IS FOR drawing..you dont need money to make up for time you dont do anything in. The supplies...OK so your gonna charge people for something you waste on yourself with your own money when your BORED in FREE TIME? Doesn't make sense...

This has been a bit of a rant but it comes with MEME..on with the new me news:

Ok then...as the title says..I found myself I believe again...I am a normal Dragon...just with MY OWN details. Though these details crash (and now im thinking again at this thought) with my rp chars...it SORTA fits...I am a shifting Dragon. A Gold Dragon, ruby in my head but with shifting abilities..It may because of my many (over 450) characters for rp...though the char pics arnt mine..it hurts too, but the past of them are mine I made...I guess I'm saying I'm a gold shifting asshole tat uses people's pictures for chars and pieces of me..but whats left to make? when you people use all the ideas?

This is my angry rants here: You take all the ideas so theres none left, You put in on the internet so its GONNA get copyed and "used and taken" (tho people arnt THAT much assholes these days...people just use the pic for REFS), you horde things and are over protective, you form clicks and are assholes too..

I'm sorry but so many emotions I have...Yes I confess I use pictures from FA and DA...but I don't claim them as I tell everyone..I use them to SHOW and EXPRESS what and who I am and what i could look like..I have so many forms I can turn into but I think those are just fasinations. My mind goes everywhere and sees stories in a flash when I see a picture. Some people DON'T have the money to get drawings or the talent passed them unfairly..(It HURTS me badly that I cannot draw...it makes me have thoughts because its not fair to be able to express myself). Sure you say "i do free drawings every so often you just have to WIN". NOT EVERYONE WINS! SOME PEOPLE ARE GONE DURING THEN!

If I could DRAW I would draw for FREE. unforcantly one event that took it from me was when I couldnt buy a book I saw one day a good years back on how to draw DRAGONS...I t hurts me still because that would have been my key. Part of me is at fault...i want results instantly but I can't see how BONES and shapes can help the end result of drawing, how it can help shadowing and depth and the curve when its far off...few things boggle me and I admit things can confuse even me but this is one thing I will never be able to understand.

By now I am feeling a bit better about getting this out and if you read Thank you for reading and if possible, for understanding what I go through..it isn't right when being so young stops you from doing things your body and mind feel they should be doing like going to Cons and drawing and writing and visiting people online (i live too far away, I live in the least populated area of the USA) and even if I could...people JUDGE all the time...my height, feelings, the way I act and my age..I admit to all I am 16...but, hurtfully, there are 16 yr olds on here and DA that draw the best things I've seen...all this you have just read...came from a hurting person, yearning for what others always have and get..those best traits past me by and I can only hope I get past these thoughts of hate, fear, sadness, even hurtful to myself...

Hurting, yearning, wanting, helping and strange and unknown

~Draken MurZari

IRL: Adam Buccilli

I am now a Hybrid...

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Those are the words that kept coming to my mind at my change...it sounds disturbing and wrong but it's true..and I like it. I am what I call a Drag-Phon, half Dragon and half Gryphon. I thought I was done with changing after finding out I was Bi a while back (Yes..I am now Bi...new to you, old to me..moving on)when I suddenly started questioning myself suddenly one day...maybe I was just a over wanting human with sick perv thoughts..but I wouldn't take that. I was thinking hard, going over creatures when I got this chill and suddenly imagined a face looking at me...only it was two halfs into one...half was my Golden Dragon form..then the other half..gold colored feathers on it, blue eyes and long ears and a beak. It was a Gryphon..my second favotite animal..

I always felt off, unwanted and strange..never able to get right between in the spot I belonged...Now I have...

I have three forms..a Dragon...a Gryphon..then the Drag-Phon that has features of both creatures...and I've been told its a sexy combo lol. Too bad I can't draw :/. It made sense though...I have a firece side but (admittingly and shamely to Dragons) My gryphon  form is more out..I am gentle and relaxed but I defend...i also can't take the cold much sp I have feathers and I also like to keep my hair nice (aka...grooming feathers).

I am glad my Mate still still loves me but it hurt when another friend said she didn't like it and will not talk to me anymore...no she just misses out and is by herself. If she really did like me like she said..she wouldn't have cared..not say "I liked you better when you were a Dragon...not a Hybrid"..I admit that still hurts to this point..but I just have to ignore it..At least others understand, like the new kid at my school..I found out that he, amazingly against all damn odds, is Dragonic/Draconic as well. So Life is continuing...Hurts, falls, Love, Friends..it comes and goes...take it as it comes but I will NOT let it destory me until I am Nothing...I will push on to get back at whatever is trying to push me off the cliff and into the abyss, or Nun as Egyptains called the Abyss God.

Mad World - Gary Jules & Michael Andrews

I am Draken MurZari...and I am a proud Hybrid..don't let anyone change you..let them inspire you...then change you yourself...If they don't like it..then they were never your friend..

~Draken MurZari,

     The Dragon/Gryphon Hybrid